It was always a feeling of shame
Shame that when 14, a passing cyclist grabbed me.
Shame that in the school bus, the driver always fiddled with the rear view mirror
so he could look at my chest.
Shame that men leered with smug smiles when i walked past or tried to brush up against me.
Shame because I felt it happened only to me and only because there was something wrong with the way I looked or dressed or walked or talked or was.
Something wrong-terribly so with me.
And the only reaction seemed to be silence.
Because confrontation might lead to attention being drawn to a dirty experience I wanted to keep a secret. Because speaking out meant something was wrong when I could cloak it.
Shame that when 14, a passing cyclist grabbed me.
Shame that in the school bus, the driver always fiddled with the rear view mirror
so he could look at my chest.
Shame that men leered with smug smiles when i walked past or tried to brush up against me.
Shame because I felt it happened only to me and only because there was something wrong with the way I looked or dressed or walked or talked or was.
Something wrong-terribly so with me.
And the only reaction seemed to be silence.
Because confrontation might lead to attention being drawn to a dirty experience I wanted to keep a secret. Because speaking out meant something was wrong when I could cloak it.
This poem pretty much sums up what every girl in the world feels like. I have many female friends who have been victims of harassment. Incidentally, eve-teasing is a term used only in India. In other countries the term 'sexual harassment' is used. Coming back to the point, my friends having different personalities have reacted differently to their perpetrators.
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends whose butt was groped by a 'hasty' commuter at VT just shouted back at him. Many of my friends just keep their mouths shut because they don't want to give the harassers a sign that they've managed to make the girl feel uncomfortable.
The worst part starts when girls start feeling that the reason that people are harassing her is her clothes. And the media is partly responsible for this accusation. The scenario has always been that girls who wear Western clothes get harassed while the ones in Indian clothes are saved. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT THE CASE.
ReplyDeleteA few years back, Jasmeen Patheja started the Blank Noise project in Bangalore against harassment. One of the events they organised was where they collected clothes of women when they were molested, harassed or in extreme cases, even raped. It was found out that women wearing Indian clothes are as likely as woen wearing Western clothes to be harassed. The clothing DOES NOT make a difference.
The media too is trying to change the view. The soap 'Ladies Special' on Sony is worth mentioning here. There was this particular scene that on the soap. The scene went like this. This was mentioned in my blog on 24th June, 2009 in an altogether unrelated topic, but it suddenly has much relevance now!
The mother is with her daughter waiting on the platform for the train to arrive. The daughter is wearing a top and skirt. Some hooligans start teasing her with one even going to the extent of bending down to see under the skirt. The mom notices this and starts hollering but no one comes forward to help her. She tries to get the police who reluctantly comes with her. During this time all the hooligans have run away and even the eye witnesses deny seeing anyone or anything happening. The havaldar too says that one usually can't do anything about such things. (Talk about realistic situations!)
Anyway the next day, the mother decides to take her daughter for shopping again! The daughter wears a full length kurta that covers her legs entirely. Her mom replies by asking why has she not worn her favourite clothes and the daughter gives the reason that after what happened the previous day she wanted to avoid an encore. But her mom tells her something that I'll remember for ages to come: No one can teach us or tell us what is right or what is wrong. And then she explained to her that giving away your identity just for some stupid idiots, was foolish. For once a girl in our Indian soaps wasn't criticised for wearing Western clothes. Not surprisingly, this soap isn't a K serial!
so true...even if ur completely clad from top to bottom you are a victim of eve teasing.Its not the clothing that needs to change its the mindset
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo true...
ReplyDeleten its NOT DRESSING.....plz
hw ist women of my mums age dressd in traditional Indian decent wear are eve teased, ogled at..sick...
notcied at times the Rickshwala also shitfting the mirror for disgusting reasons...
Its Pleasure and fun for them...
Its not the clothes, the look or the digits of the woman. It is the attitude of the perverts. We always think that women have to function within the limits that society has demarcated. But encroaching into someone's personal space seems pretty okay to the men with raging hormones walking the street. In that case women kicking men where it hurts the most should also be acceptable.
ReplyDelete